So much of life is about milestones. From birthdays and graduations to weddings and retirements, we live between these events, or do we? I feel constantly in flux because I’m living for the next milestone. Nothing is fixed because change will come with the next milestone. How does one settle in with a feeling of always being in transition?

It’s like living out of a suitcase, scared to unpack because nothing about this environment is permanent. It used to feel free that everything could change in an instant and I’d be on to the next, but now the feeling of impermanence seems sad. Floating through life tethered to nothing. Afraid to form connections and attachments.

Looking ahead and planning for the future can get tiring, but having no direction is unnerving. Putting down roots is exciting and terrifying at the same time. There’s a certain finality to that sentiment that puts me on edge. I guess that’s a part of life; you can’t be a vagabond forever.

This wanderlust is waning, and what happens when there are no more milestones? Are milestones just excuses? Excuses not to settle in and settle down. Excuses not to create and belong. Excuses to pull away. Excuses to keep moving. Excuses.

For now, it seems I’ll continue to wrestle with this notion. The answer feels close.