Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -Alexander Pope

I’ve struggled for a long time and still do with managing my expectations for both myself and those around me. I thought managing my expectations for others was my bigger concern, but as I grow, I’m finding it’s managing expectations for myself that is more difficult. It’s actually quite shocking. The moment I realized that I was capable of disappointing myself like no other was eye-opening, but that’s another post.

The most significant question to keep in mind in managing expectations for others is two-fold:

1. Am I assigning expectations to people who can meet them?
2. Are my expectations realistic?

Let’s start with the latter. I try to enter into situations where I tell myself that I’m not asking for anything more than I am. But is that realistic? Is it realistic to expect yourself from others? Is your sense of self inflated, and therefore your expectations are not even something you are producing in the first place. Ask yourself, what is my level of self-awareness, and is that realistic to ask of others?

The answer to this first question is a little more involved because often, the criticism is your expectations are too high. To that, I say, are my expectations too high, or are you not a person that can meet them? There’s work to be done by both parties in this situation. You have to assess everyone you are assigning expectations for, and part of that assessment is whether they are even a person that can meet the expectations. If you get that part wrong, you’re inviting disappointment. This experience is often a “meet them where they are” type of experience and that’s something you have to be ok with but the work is not all on you. The person on the other end needs to be able to accept and meet the expectation or communicate that this is not something they are going to be able to do. That battle right there is what keeps you from constant disappointment and feeling discouraged in humanity. Capability is paramount here. Never let anyone convenience you that you’re expectations are too high because what ends up happening is that instead of adjusting your expectations you lower your standards.

When it comes to your expectations of a person ask yourself are you reciprocating what your expectations are? Did that person acknowledge and confirmed their capability of said expectations? Were the expectations clearly communicated and agreed upon? Then those are fair expectations.   

Reality is the gut check. What’s possible is the union between your desires and what is real. Assigning expectations that are unreachable is setting yourself up for disappointment. Having a firm grasp on reality of environment, reality of self, and reality of others will give you everything you need to manage real and attainable expectations for both you and others.

This is not to say that disappointment will not come. Just as you manage expectations, you manage disappointment as well. However, reality checks are a necessary part of managing both. To ignore the reality of the situation and proceed is again inviting disappointment, and to that point, you have to ask who owns that disappointment? You do.      

Expectations are not something to fear or worry over, and even the best of us can’t avoid having expectations, but the importance comes from managing expectations so you can better discern how to assign them properly and base them in reality. Managing expectations is like dipping your toes in the water rather than going full cannonball.