I thought I hit the summit, and then I looked up only to realize I was miles away from the top. In this never-ending quest to be my best self, I have inevitably encountered some pitfalls. Pitfalls only made greater by comparison and rejection. It’s only natural, right? Life isn’t all peaches and cream; it’s the hard stuff that encourages growth, right?

The narrative surrounding growth always revolves around the fact that it’s not pretty, it’s tough, and it’s gonna hurt. We eat this up with a spoon. When times are tough, we chalk it up to some bright spot on the horizon that we will realize once we “grow” through the difficulties. What we fail to realize is that we are not always rewarded in our growth. The important piece of information that gets lost in translation is that growth is about a certain amount of risk taking, and some risks just don’t work out.

These “risks” are hardwired into us as purpose or function and communicated in such a positive saccharine way it could give you a toothache. This lie is perpetuated at every milestone in life. The price we pay for failing at our function triggers insecurity, defensiveness, and self-esteem issues. Failing to meet these arbitrary standards pertaining to the roles we assume in life causes constant comparison, feelings of lack, and inability to measure up.

Here’s where my little secret comes in. Comparison and feelings of lack, no matter where they come from, are actually positive indicators that you are exactly where you need to be. Have you ever met someone that had all the confidence? Someone who thought they were a lot more talented than they actually were. This phenomenon is called the Dunning Kruger effect, where a truly untalented person has no idea that they are, in fact inadequate, because they are too untalented to realize it.

To simplify, if you worry you don’t measure up, it’s usually a sign that you do. This is a great instinct that shows you are aware of yourself, those around you, and your skillset. Failing at my function is an amazing reminder that I’m in charge of my growth, how I grow, and in what time I grow. It is also a reminder that it’s ok that I don’t have every box checked on the list. Someday maybe I will prevail in my function, but until then, I will accept my failure because whether it seems like it or not, a risk with no reward is the reward.

The measure of any person doesn’t come from the choices not made, the roads not traveled, or the risks not taken. Part of the risk taking during the growth process is coming to terms with the fact that improvement is necessary and ongoing. That’s the funny thing about growth; there’s always going to be room for improvement. Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Sometimes we fail, other times we succeed, but there is growth in continuing to go forward.